and then...

i prayed to god today. i called on him to give me the fortitude to cope with the ups and downs in life. i asked him for strength of character so as to stick to my chosen course towards the pursuit of happiness. i wished for daily acumen to build a world around me where people are unable to hold emotions of envy, insecurity, enmity and vexation. i also requested him to give me strength and conviction to strive for what i believe in. yet, giving me the wisdom to accomplish an innocuous crusade, keeping in mind the sensibilities and tenets of others. but more than anything else, i requested god to keep reminding me that i have, but one life and i must make the most of it and achieve all that i possibly can physically, emotionally and spiritually.

iv stopped thinking in the shower lately...seemed like i lost something. needed to go find it. yes..i did...not the shrink in my head, but my ability to get lost in thought. maybe its the dedicated flow of water... i took a decision last night, and all the decisions iv taken in the past, made a determined comeback. somehow, in the shower, it all returned. like the water spurting out of the shower head, i could see my thoughts behind those decisions, falling on the tiled floor, in a hurry to go gushing down the shiny drain. maybe some of those decisions were based on these fast paced thoughts. before you can turn around and try and look down to put the thoughts together, they are gone. and you are jilted with the feeling of wetness in your heart caused by the decisions that were taken thanks to the slippery-sneaky thoughts.

what is it that drives one to be so suppressive towards things? in my drive towards control, i drove away the feeling of elation attached to life;as a surprise. his words found little credence in the workings of my mind. it seems queer that sometimes things you teach yourself, never leave you... off and on, my mind just takes over. more often then i want it to. it completely over powers the heart. i can feel it. in the dead of the night, fighting. pounding against my chest, not to break free, just to be heard. but my mind keeps saying "shut up. you know you will screw things up".